BONIN' BEYONCE

I was walking through a New England downtown area. I knew I was in Manchester, NH, even though the town I was in did not really look like Manchester. As I was walking down the street, Lady Gaga approached me.

- "I know about you," she said.

- "I'm sorry," I was a bit confused.

- "I heard about you and Beyonce," she replied.

It was at that moment that I remembered that I had fornicated with Beyonce on a previous occasion. There was no actual sex in the dream (I've still never experienced the pleasure of a wet dream), but in the dream I could vividly remember my sexual encounter with Beyonce. I remembered that she had been stuck in NH for an extended period of time shooting some music video. We happened to run into each other, and she just wanted to get her rocks off. Totally viable.

I was pretty excited too. How silly of me to need a reminder from lady Gaga about the intercourse I had with Beyonce?

- "You couldn't call her the next day?" Lady was not happy with me.

- "Oh, shit. Well, I know she has a man, so i was a little confused about the protocol on that."

- "Well, she told me about you," she said with a laugh.

- "What did she say?"

- "She said you have a small dick."

- "WHAAATT??!! NO WAY!!"

- "Yeah, she's been telling everyone."

- "Really? Everyone?"

- "Yeah, everyone. I bet you feel like a fool."

I contemplated this. "Actually, I don't. In fact, that's pretty fucking awesome. Nobody believed me when I told them that I had sex with Beyonce. Now everyone is going to know. That's outstanding!"

Then I got nervous that Jay-Z would find out.

Rise and shine.