new york meltdown

i'm watching some sort of huge international conference on tv. it's taking place in new york, maybe at the united nations. many world leaders are there, even george w's there, and obama is currently giving a speech. suddenly things start shaking. obama stops talking and looks around, confused. a rumbling gets louder and louder. suddenly the camera falls over and lands on its side, pointed at a big window. the sky is black and there's a red glow over everything. the feed goes blank and a "technical difficulties" notice comes on the tv.

i look through the other channels on tv. some have a similar message on the screen, some are broadcasting other things as normal. i get on the internet. what's going on? after a few minutes reports start coming over the television that there's been a major volcanic eruption somewhere in the north jersey/new york city region. things start going up on the internet. more news reporters on tv. chaos. i hear that manhattan island is at least partially undamaged. the rest of the city is pretty much fucked. the hudson river has turned into a lava flow. the world leaders are all dead. dammmn.

stephen malkmus: creep

it's one of the first dates of the pavement reunion tour. they're at the iron horse. i'm pretty fucking excited, but it seems like no one else is. when the band comes onto the stage there's a pretty lackluster round of applause. i'm clapping and hollering and everyone looks at me skeptically. the band starts and they're pretty good, about what i'd expect. but with each song the crowd response gets weaker and weaker. people start backing away from the stage. the band looks confused. then stephen malkmus goes down into the pit and some girl immediately starts giving him head. he keeps singing. it's really discomforting. one of steve west's drumsticks goes flying. i don't try to catch it. now i'm pretty creeped out. nobody is digging this concert.

Sloppy Wet Peezzow

So I dreamed I was at my childhood home, but I really had to get to a football game with Madlib for some reason. I was super hungry, so my mom gave me a frozen pizza to cook. I'm not exactly sure why, but I thought I had to cook it in a frying pan, however, the size of the pizza was far too big for any of our frying pans (it was just a giant square slab of pizza, with no crusts or anything), and on top of that, I couldn't figure out how to turn on any of the burners. I would try to read the nobs to figure out the corresponding burner, but they would say things like "riddi o". I got super frustrated, and then I tried to flip the pizza or something, one way or another, it got stuck to the ceiling. I was furious. Madlib and I were late for the game, and the pizza was ruined. Then we made some jokes about the movie Precious. Then Don Levine called me and I woke up. Madlib might have also been Ghostface, I'm not sure.

michael phelps: loser

it's the summer olympics and time for michael phelps to strut his stuff. no, not in swimming, but in some sport where you take a kayak and paddle down what's essentially a long, flat, zig-zagging slip'n'slide with no water. it's a tough sport but phelps is up for it. uses a lot of arm muscle. the track is just sort of in an alley in some big city. he gets some good speed up but by the time he gets to the end it's clear he won't be getting any medals. eighth place. darn! but he's okay with it, he was just curious to see how he'd do. i'm apparently his friend or something and we start packing the kayak into a van. i guess we're ready to leave. there's a bratty high school kid there with us, too. he has a hypodermic needle full of a glowing orange liquid that he's about to inject into his arm. "what are you doing, kid?" "oh it's just the common cold, i really don't want to go to school." michael phelps shakes his head in disapproval.

Here's To You, Poe-gey!

Nervous! I truly am and was. For when I think about posting this dream, I fear you will think more creepily (or sexily) of me. NOTE: IF YOU DO NOT WANT YOUR OPINION OF ME TARNISHED, DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER. HOWEVER, I HAD A REALLY FUNNY DREAM THAT'S TOO AW(KWARD)ESOME NOT TO SHARE.

So anyway. I had this dream a few dawns ago. In the initial dream (yes, there is a dream within the dream going on...it pays off though) I suddenly had a massive cock. Like seriously big (maybe the elusive, "dream cock") and veiny and crazy. So I'm walking around some downtown area (vaguely Holyoke, MA...oy) and I become very frustrated with my new cock. As soon as I think to myself, "this cock is such a hassle," I wake up and I'm in my real bed in my real room. HOLD UP, THIS IS ACTUALLY ANOTHER DREAM! I (for some reason) dash out of my bed and look myself in the mirror and wink while pointing/grinning. My reflection then does the same thing back but sticks his tongue out and cracks up laughing giving me some sassy hand wave. I clap my hands and wake up (for real this time) laughing my ass off.

ok it's not that funny BUT I WOKE UP LAUGHING